I Need Some Fine Wine and You, You Need to be Nicer
June 18, 2009 at 11:47 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 19 CommentsTags: apple spice cake, black beans, burp and slurp, cafe epress, cereal, chicken, ezekiel cereal, homecoming, hummus, kind bar, kiwiw, lies, milk, muscle milk, organic, plantain, seaweed salad, shredded honey wheat, shredded wheat, skinniyskinny lip balm, snack bar, sweet potato fries, the cardigans
“Mom, the kids at school don’t like me.”
“I want to switch schools. I don’t fit in.”
“Everyone HATES me!”
Those were the things I used to say almost every morning before school to my mom, in hopes that she would feel bad for me and not send me to school. I would say the same before dance class. I would say the same before church. Eventually, I was no longer in school, I was no longer at parties, I was no longer in dance class, and I was no longer at church. My eating disorder had fooled me into thinking that everyone hated me and thought I was weird. In my mind, the editors of my newspaper were trying to fail me and in my mind, all of my teachers despised me. I had isolated myself completely from everyone because all of a sudden it seemed like all of my friends thought I was annoying and didn’t want to see me anymore. None of these things were true. No one in my newspaper class wanted to fail me and none of my teachers hated me. I found out not too long ago that the kids at school used to think I was pretty and that no one thought I was ever “fat.” If this is all true, then why did I always feel so disliked and disgusting?
I hope Sophia from Burp and Slurp~ doesn’t mind my quoting her, but she answered this question for me in her most recent post: “Because I looked down on myself, I felt certain that the whole world looked down on me as well.”
She is so right. I was the one that thought lowly of myself, not them.
- Homecoming ’08
So remember that cake that was in the oven last night? Shortly after I posted, my impatient mother decided to transfer the cake from the pan it was baked in to a cake stand while it was still hot. That is a big no-no! So, it fell apart and my heart fell apart with it because I had baked it just for my pediatrician’s birthday.
Luckily, Francesca’s mom was happy to eat the messy cake, so it didn’t go to waste or anything! She loves that apple spice cake with a sick passion.
Anyhoo, I woke up in a fantastical mood this morning, looking forward to breakfast. Want to know why? 
Because I had the opportunity to use one of my new Anthropologie bowls which contained: 1 c. Shredded Honey Wheat, 1/4 c. Ezekiel Gold Flax cereal, 5 oz. 2% milk, 2 oz. Cookies & Cream Muscle Milk, and a kiwi.
I was out the rest of the day and being the silly goose that I am, I left my camera at home. You should have seen the look of frustration on my face whenever I went to the health food store and purchased a Kind bar to snack on and I didn’t have my camera to take a picture of it. Argh! While I was out though, I had:
a KIND: Almond & Apricot Bar
&
a bowl of Cafe Express’ vegetarian black bean soup.
On another note, something creepy happened to me during my trip to the market today. I was writing up my to-do list while my mom payed for our groceries when my pen cap fell underneath a soda machine. Of course, this meant that I couldn’t put the pen back in my purse since it would stain the fabric, so I had no choice but to keep the pen in my hand for the rest of the trip. I got kind of bored waiting for my mom to pay for the 17 snack bars I purchased for Colombia, so I began casually biting and chewing on the pen when this older man asks me, “That pen taste good to ya?”
“Huh?”
“Does that pen taste good to ya?”
“Uh… I lost my pen cap so I don’t know what else to do with it.”
“Sure looks like you are enjoying it.”
“Um..”
“If you want we could go look for it together.”
“No thanks… it-it’s no big deal. I don’t miss it. Bye!”
My dinner was very colorful and insanely delicious. I had a plate of chicken, baked plantain, sweet potato fries dipped in a bit of unpictured hummus and little bowl of seaweed salad on the side. This was my first time eating seaweed salad and I really enjoyed it. Nancy inspired me to try it with a comment she left me on one of my posts not too long ago and I am so thankful that she mentioned it.
Fun Fact: I am absolutely obsessed with organic lip balm.
Well, I’m not going to drag this post on any longer now. I feel like I have been going on about nothing tonight. Gahh, I hate feelings like that. Before I wrap this up though, I’d like to thank everyone who gave me their contact info in reply to last night’s post. I really appreciate you guys being there for me and I’ll message you guys pretty soon 
Goodnight, all!
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You’re right love…there is absolutely NO reason to hate you…you are WONDERFUL and as soon as you start believing it yourself, other people will see it as well.
Comment by ohsoravenous— June 19, 2009 #
I’m glad you have realised that your thoughts about what people were thinking were ED lies and that you are loved by so many
what a creepster at the store- eeek! I would have flicked some ink on him
have a great Friday xxx
Comment by insideiamdancing— June 19, 2009 #
Your bowls are beautiful! The only with you cereal in it is lovely.
That guy sounds like some kind of creepy pervert. Eww. He gives a bad name to mankind.
Dinner looks amazing! Very colourful and healthy.
Comment by Ashley— June 19, 2009 #
Karina, you are beautiful, yes YOU, your character, your soul, your looks, your personality … everything is perfect the way they are. Sure you would say, “Hey, I’m not perfect” but my question to you is “Who is anyway?” … NOW que the ‘I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE” song …. let’s dance baby!!
Comment by Cecilia— June 19, 2009 #
Thank you so much, you are so sweet
Comment by Karina Pinzon— June 19, 2009 #
hi hun,
im glad youve realised that how you felt about yourself was what led you to falsely belive that others looked down on you..you are such a wonderful person and id love to be around you in real life
aahhh creepy dude! thats so wierd..im glad you got away from him!!
breakfast looks delicious and i LOVE that cute bowl, i wish we had that shop over here so i could buy a bowl like that lol.
have a nice night hun
xxxx
Comment by rediscoveringlauren— June 19, 2009 #
you are so beautiful in that picture wow! you are such a gorgeous girl its ridiculous! i am so happy you relized that what you thought people at school thought about you was not true, and that was all ED’s lies!
you are so amazing and are doing so great!
your dinner looks amazing, i love seaweed salads! and love love love the bowl and the lip balm
Love you
Eliza
Comment by eliza— June 19, 2009 #
hey karina!
that is so hrribel that ed made you belive that people at school didnt think you were cool and such! ed is a lair, and i am so happy that u realized that all the things ed put into ur head were FALSE. you are such an amazing girl, sweet, BEAUTIFUL,funny, talented, creative, cool.:) anyone would want to be your friend.
that was so funny about the pen..that man sounds quite annoying.
lol.
xo
maya
have a great day!!
Comment by maya— June 19, 2009 #
I’m glad you are throwing yourself back out there! Often your worst enemy is yourself, I know that can be true for me and you just have to tell that voice that doubts yourself to SHUT UP.
I need anthropologie dishes in my life. I’m hitting up that store hard when I go back to the U.S.
Comment by mayapamela— June 19, 2009 #
Hello beautiful girl
I’m so glad you’ve realised that your peers and teachers didn’t hate you. You are such a positive, uplifting individual people cant help but like you! Oh and you looked stunning at your homecoming, and your dress is so cute!
Hope your day goes well sweetie. Lots of love xoxo
ps ummm what was up with that freak at the grocery store??! haha thing like that make me laugh… i love meeting some of the worlds slightly stranger of folk…
Comment by determinedtoshine— June 19, 2009 #
mmm I used to say those exact same things! I used to stay in school till I finished all my art classes and then I’d walk home LOL. Hopefully you are better behaved than I was at 15…I am glad that you are able to see that it is not other people who feel negatively about you, but rather it’s the ED making you feel badly about yourself. My therapist calls it “transference” – where we mistake our own feelings about something as being what we infer from other people. I hope realizing that now, instead of later, will help you be able to start feeling better about yourself. You’ve got a lot to feel good about in you.
I hate sleazy old men…:shudders: I’m sorry that happened to you, but at least you were smart enough to realize he was definitely a creeper.
Hope you enjoy going to Colombia!
~Tori
Comment by Victoria— June 19, 2009 #
Hahaha what a weirdo that guy was! “Hey babe, let’s totes look for pen caps
that’s not all you can chew on.” god I just disgusted myself phew
Wahhh that seaweed salad looks delish! Your whole dinner does
Comment by Mitri— June 19, 2009 #
Hey girlie! Just remember that you are STRONG and COURAGEOUS and people love you! Don’t listen to stupid ed, he’s a total liar.
Your dinner looks great! I have not ever had a seaweed salad…it looks so tastey!
Comment by kristi (sweet cheeks)— June 19, 2009 #
Aw, Karina…*hugs*
I can totally relate to being insecure in school, church, work, and other social settings – a trait that ED only made worse. But, like you, I’ve come to realize those fears are entirely irrational and not worth paying attention to. That’s not to say I don’t, sometimes, but it’s a huge improvement over how scared and introverted I used to be.
Anyhow. Yeeps! What a creepy man. I hate encounters like that. So awkward and gross. =/
Oh, and I’m obsessed with organic lip balm, too! I think I may have wiped out my local Whole Food’s supply, actually…o.O
Okydokes. I hope you have a beauteous weekend, m’dear! Luffs!
<3<3
Comment by Morgan— June 19, 2009 #
Buwahaha that creeper! I would of walked really fast from him. I’ve always been introverted. Ever since I first stepped into preschool, I would sit in a corner and play with the toys around me. And in elementary school, I would dread finding an assignment partner/group since no one knew me well. And ED made it worse. Bu ah, I’m glad I’ve got a few close friends who are the greatest people in the world!
Your grade 8 grad dress is so PRETTY!!! mine was pink
Comment by Nancy— June 19, 2009 #
im sorry to hear that your ED made you feel bad about yourself and distorted your perspective! thats no fun :\
your eats look fab though girl!
Comment by Kailey— June 19, 2009 #
ooh the seaweed salad actually looks really good. and you’re such a smart girl, karina. it makes me happy to know that you’ve realized how distorted your vision of yourself and others used to be. you are gorgeous, hilarious, silly, kind…the world is lucky to have you!
not only that…but you make delicious breakfast combinations! haha. and don’t worry, i go on about nothing ALL the time. really…my rambling is a problem.
one last thing–make sure you read the post that i publish tonight, because you and lip balm are both going to be mentioned.
-JB
http://cardiovegsular.wordpress.com
Comment by JB— June 19, 2009 #
Thanks so much for your comment on my blog! I am so happy you did because I LOVE your blog. You’re gorgeous by the way
Love the quote by Sophia. Isn’t she just so wise?
Seaweed salad sounds intriguing! I’d totally eat it
<3 jess
xoxo
Comment by psychoj1— June 19, 2009 #
I TOTALLY relate to this entire post. In fact it’s scary how much it sounds like me.
Will you be able to blog in Colombia?
And how ironic is it that were both leaving on vacation for 6 weeks and leave at exactly the same time? It must be fate girl!
Oh and I never gave you my email on yesterdays post but realize you got lots of other readers emails and probably don’t need anymore
but i’m just letting you know that i’d love to talk whenever and would totally give you my email if you want it, but I also don’t want you to feel like you have too. So just know i’m here if you ever need someone:) love ya girl.
xoxox
Haylee
Comment by Haylee— June 21, 2009 #