Scoundrel
November 10, 2009 at 11:51 pm | In Uncategorized | 36 CommentsTags: almond butter, bluebonnet protein, chocolate, chocolate cake, clif builder's, gouda, hemp, kashi roll! bar, nature's path, nutella, oatmeal, pasta, sweet potato, tomato, vitatop
1 packet of oatmeal cooked in 1/2 c. hemp milk, 2 egg whites, 1.5 tbsp. almond butter, and frozen strawberries then topped/mixed with Nature’s Path Hemp Plus granola, raisins, crushed almonds and drizzled with Nutella.
******
I currently reside in the passenger seat of my mother’s parked white minivan,waiting for her to retrieve her stolen fish from HEB.
Today’s visits with my ED recovery team were interesting, to say the least. My nutritionist gave me an assignment for the week. An assignment that Mr. ED is not too thrilled to carry out.
The assignment is to write out a list of all the rules and tricks ED has set for me. And not obey them.
ED’s Top 5 Rules:
1. No laying down during the day
2. Stand at all times
3. Fidget whenever possible
4. Drink approx. 40 oz. of fluid with each meal
5. Do 10 minutes of pilates every day
!?!?!?!?!?
ED, Why the heck do you set us such STUPID rules? To control you. And why do we have to follow them? …….
See? ED gives us no legitimate reasons to follow a ridiculous set of rules like that because there are no legitimate reasons. ED’s only feeble and pitiful answer is: to lose weight and be skinny.
But lets ask OURSELVES: Why? Why is skinny better?
Does skinny change the person we are on the inside? Does skinny make people want to be our friends? Does skinny help us achieve our dreams of becoming doctors, artists, dancers, lawyers? Is skinny worth the constant fidgeting, restless calorie counting, sodium/carb watching, and social withdrawal from your loved ones? All that just to be skinny? A term that is subjective to each individual anyway?
Well guys, the answer is no. Being skinny is not worth the loss of our lives and dreams. I hate to be a negative bitch but here is the truth: with an Eating Disorder mounted upon your back and breathing down your neck, you will never accomplish anything. You will never have the energy to dance, the happiness to laugh, the concentration to study, the passion to paint, the health to have children nor the sanity to raise them.
And if you do accomplish something, that accomplishment will never be fulfilled to the best of your abilities. You’d be selling yourself short.
So please, disobey ED. Break the rules. Who cares if you appear as a rogue in ED’s beady little eyes? You have all the right in the world to act like a rebel and a miscreant right now. Go ahead, Be a disobedient scoundrel.
You are worth it!
I now reside in my bedroom, my buttocks planted firmly upon the white IKEA desk chair (haha!). My head is throbbing and my eyes feel like they are about to fall out of their sockets <— bad.
I‘m going to be very peeved at my mother if she passed her brand new cold onto me. The Waltz of the Snowflakes can not afford to lose me right now! My poor dance instructor has enough strain on his shoulders.
This Clif Peanut Butter Builder’s Bar did an excellent job at energizing me for ballet. Unfortunately, it didn’t make this Tuesday’s advanced class any easier 
BOO.
When I arrived home at 7:45, this delectable meal called to me from my kitchen table:
Mom’s Sweet Bean Pasta (I HATE pasta… but this entrée is AWESOME), green beans, milk, and a fresh vegetable salad served with 1 oz. muenster cheese.
I’m not sure whether it is obvious or not but, I feel extra chipper today.
GASP! Do you think perhaps it is because I now feed my body enough to keep it happy? :O
Some of yesterday’s main food events…
PB CHOCOLATE CAKE OATS:
1 packet instant oatmeal cooked in 1/2 c. hemp milk and mixed with PB&Co’s DCD PB
Bluebonnet strawberry protein powder
1 deep chocolate VitaTop
Sunflower seeds
blueberries
I know the ingredients do not seem very chocolate cakey, but the product tasted like a fruity version of one to me 
Grilled Gouda and Tomato sandwich on hemp bread with carrots and a sweet potato pancake served over a bed of lettuce. On the side: Oikos, blueberries, and almond butter.
Kashi Roll! Bar, chocolate peanut flavor.
******
I am dead tired tonight for some odd reason, so I’m going to go have my bedtime snack and get some rest. Remember, be rebellious
Have a splendid Wednesday tomorrow!
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yeah for feeding your body to be happy its a great feeling isn’t it?
i have a problem still when i exercise i find myself sometimes not eating enough to make up for it because stupid Ed convinces me that i am not hungry for more but more sloopy mood says something else
You are worth it
Comment by jessica — November 11, 2009 #
I feel so happy/proud for you!!
You are totally smashing your ED, and the truth is coming out. Everything in this post is amazing! Being healthy to enjoy your love of dance, eating delicious and fueling meals, and recognizing the dangers and lies of ED. Good job! <3 Yay for increasing health and enjoying life!
Comment by Elizabeth — November 11, 2009 #
Love the Nutella drizzle, and I love the clarity of the pictures.
Yeah, I’m always at least ten times nicer when I’m not hungry (not necessarily stuffed to the brim, haha). When I’m hungry, I get really impatient and just… wah. Not a cool person to be around.
Hopefully, your good mood is here to stay
Comment by teajewel — November 11, 2009 #
Congratulations for standing up against ED!
It’s such a hard task, and you can easily be won over if you give in, but you stuck your ground.
I think that’s something we should ALL do – write down “The Rules”, and break them.
Unlearning what we learned in school, huh!
You have all my support.
Eleanor. x
Comment by Eleanor — November 11, 2009 #
My rules are so similar and so pointless, some of them have zero logic behind them, but its time to break them, hey?
I love the waltz of the snowflakes, such a pretty song! I wish I could watch you dance
xx
Comment by Katie — November 11, 2009 #
I adored this post Karina. All you have spoken is true. ED does not define you. Ed strips you of health, life, smiling, dancing, art..freedom. We live in our minds, and its not fair. We shall be free, my love.
your eats look incredibly delightful.
I expecially like your sandwich plate.
Comment by Devan Geselle Newman — November 11, 2009 #
Chocolate cake oats = <3
I also agree with you. Although ED wants me to dance, turning something I love into merely calorie burning, I have no energy to do so. It becomes monotonous, and no longer something I can simply enjoy, or get pleasure out of. ED holds us back in so many ways, but mainly, it holds us back from life.
<3 Love you,
Amy.
Comment by Amy — November 11, 2009 #
You’re just AMAZING hun!!!
Have a fabulous day cutie!! Hug n.
Thanks for this inspirational post!! After reading about the WHY I just had to write down the WHYs for myself!! And it was really freeing!! Of course this doesn’t change everything, but I believe that I’m a little closer to beat all this!! So again THANK YOU!!
And of course your eats look incredible as usual!! If I’m ever anywhere near you, I will invite myself for breakfast at your house!!
Comment by nic — November 11, 2009 #
i like you ED team. that is a really interesting challenge and now that you listed these things here i hope you see how silly ED really is. standing all day?? god that sounds tiring, and no resting? i always nap in the afternoon
i know you can meet the task that your team has set for you sweetie
you’re beautiful my love
xoxo
Comment by crazylittlethingneela — November 11, 2009 #
It brings tears to my eyes when I read that list. ED is terrible, to let you do and think those things.
I’m so HAPPY you’re fighting and I know you’ll get there! That list won’t be there in some time and I’m glad! You deserve so much better and you’re gonna get it!
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
Comment by julia — November 11, 2009 #
You know what?
You’re right. We should be rebellious! ED is in our minds. It is something that we, ultimately have the control over. We should turn the tables! Make it miserable instead of it making us miserable! Thank god you were in a good mood today because, for once, SO AM I!!! I’m having a really positive day and I’m so proud of myself. I challenged ED thrice today already and won!!! It’s not even 2pm! Some days are easier than others, today is one of those days. So to hear that you are in a good mood too, well that just gives me such a boost! Today, for my snacks, I’m going to do my very best to do what I want. I’m going to have honey sesame cashews and a gingerbread man. Both are high in calories. ED is screaming a pulling me away. I have a craving for both and I will bloody well fulfil it! Thank you for this, you just made my day 100% better! <3
Comment by Killian — November 11, 2009 #
loved this topic, i must make a little list as well.
our ED’s make such stupid rules, that make no sense, rules that hold us back from experiencing life and enjoying things…and when we break these rules, we will see that nothing at all will happen, i know i had such similar ED rules, drink 5 glasses of water at each meal and stand up and fidget at all times possible, i recently just stopped having to walk X miles a day because i saw it was making me so exhausted and well my doc/nutritionist told me i shouldnt be allowed to even walk much at all….
but once i stopped i didnt gain more or less than i was before…
but it is so hard to get these rules out of our heads, and the anxiety is so overwhelming when we stop :/
but you are so so right! loved this “with an Eating Disorder mounted upon your back and breathing down your neck, you will never accomplish anything. You will never have the energy to dance, the happiness to laugh, the concentration to study, the passion to paint, the health to have children nor the sanity to raise them.” that is so true and wow so wise and intelligently written!
and to kick our EDs out for good and to break these compulsions so much will be open for us…so much more is possible when we arent sick or in our ED’s.
i believe in you so much, and you are so amazing for rebelling, i love you and i love your blog
and wow love your eats, your food always looks amazing, your breakfasts are like works of art!
xx love YOU!!
Eliza
Comment by eliza — November 11, 2009 #
Your pic are awwwesome, it’s so clear (the teeth marks on the kashi bar…yum)! You must have a photographer’s tool.
Love your breakfast, and chocolate and blueberry: delicious combo! Do you take a lot of time to plate your food? Because when I do, my mom is sooo freakin annoyed and yells at me, lol.
xoxo
Vanilla
Comment by Vanilla — November 11, 2009 #
I actually don’t take any time to plate my food. I usually just throw it on there 9 times out of 10. But I DID take the time to assemble my sandwich platter.
For my breakfasts though, I never really try to make them look pretty! Hehe.
Comment by Karina Pinzon — November 11, 2009 #
Ugh. I hate ED’s list of rules. I just wish I could burn them and re-write my life, which is what I desperatley need to do. I can relate to all of yours too, especially the ones about never sitting or lying down. I would deny myself any sort of rest at all (except sleeping) and force myself to stand/move around to the point of seriously injuring both my feet earlier this year. It’s just not worth it at all. You’re right – we need to rebel. We are rebels WITH a cause! Hahah.
Glad to hear you had a “happy” day. I have noticed that the more I throw off ED or on days when I’m more social and outgoing I just feel so much better. Almost euphoric. Ah, it’s so nice to have a glimpse of a real, enjoyable life again! That’s what I’m working towards every single day.
Love ya girl, have a great day!
xoxo, Kate
(Oh, and may I ask what kind of camera you use? I’m looking to buy a new one and I just love the way your pictures look! Top notch!)
Comment by Kate — November 11, 2009 #
I use a Canon Powershot S51s. It is a really good camera but you will be surprised to find out that it isn’t as neat and advanced as some of the other bloggers’ cameras.
I really recommend this model though
Comment by Karina Pinzon — November 11, 2009 #
Ever since rebelling against my ED a couple years back, I have known what it’s like to live again – it’s incredible. In your last post you mentioned how doing something for the first time (like facing a fear) makes the rest of the times SOOOOO much easier. You just gotta do it. But back to living life. Yeah sometimes my feelings get hurt when someone I like doesn’t like me back, but that’s a part of life. Going through these things is part of what makes us human, not obeyers and keepers of ED’s power. What kind of kingdom is it trying to run anyway? A depressing one? Sorry, leave that to the dementors (lol I hope you read Harry Potter so I’m not incredibly dorky right now
).
p.s. LOVE muenster cheese.. I love gouda cheese even more (and I admit I was slightly jealous when I read that you ate a grilled cheese sandwich with it
. And was the sweet potato pancake homemade? Because that sounds delicious.
http://www.ohonemorething.wordpress.com
Comment by Katharina — November 11, 2009 #
Clif Builder’s Bar!I always wanted to try one.
Well I am glad you are being one rebellious cookie!Your meals look so yummy.Stay strong.
Namaste
Comment by Robot — November 11, 2009 #
I’ve been thinking about all of the silly little rules lately, and wondering why I feel like I need to keep those rules… I’ve never been very good at following rules in general!!
I hope you feel better today!!
<3 <3
Comment by blueeyedheart — November 11, 2009 #
hhaa i need to try that exercise- write down all the leftover shit ED left in my brain and get rid of that all!!
i have too many stupid rules.
=D
happy veteran’s day!
Comment by traynharder23 — November 11, 2009 #
i love you bestfriend
we will get through this <3
Comment by EMMA H — November 11, 2009 #
girl- you are so wise!! dont listen to ED and his silly rules-they will only lead us down the wrong path! he is such a schemer.
those PB cake oats look AMAZING! very creative!
Comment by kbwood — November 11, 2009 #
yay for good nutritious foods! And beautiful ones at that. I’m in love with your sandwich! Seriously, I love the way it’s cute and the carrots in between. That might sound weird, but its just looks totally sweet.
Comment by Tina — November 11, 2009 #
rebelling as we speak! i had cereal twice today COZ I FELT LIKE IT!
how are you!
how’s texas?
omg. i only know the tasty butter known as pb. never tried almond butter..
i know, GASP!
Comment by traynharder23 — November 11, 2009 #
Hey Karina!
I commented once a long while ago, but I still log onto your blog every single day and get really excited when there’s a new post. I got to know you from CC.
Just wanted to say hi again, and let you know that you have my support.
I am a writer as well! I’m a Lit/Writing major at UC San Diego, and I just wanted to tell you that you have a great gift in your writing, and that you should definitely keep up with it. Are you planning on studying writing in college? Because you should!!!
Right this second, actually, I’m working on a short story with an anorexic heroine. I’ve dealt with ED for a long time, and it is my hope to write an eloquent but expositive story showing people how serious of an affliction it is, and how it is not to be taken lightly, and the stupid crap we have to deal with EVERY DAY.
Not entirely sure how to end it yet, I don’t want to come off like a public service announcer… any ideas? Haha.
Anyway, keep up the good work, I believe in you. We can beat this ridiculous thing! Just know you are beautiful and that life is precious. Hug yourself tightly everyday. And remember to breathe in deep, always.
Namaste!
P.S. I just filmed the pilot episode for a vegan cooking show. If it gets off the ground, would I be able to feature one of your recipes sometime? I just love them all! We could totally plug your blog. Lemme know!
Comment by Kelsea — November 11, 2009 #
Yes! By all means! I would be honored if you featured my recipes
I do plan on studying writing in college. It is a real passion of mine. Thank you so much for the compliment, I always get really excited when someone tells me I’m a good writer since I am so into it!
About your story…. hmm.. it depends on what kind of ending you would like.
If you want an unhappy ending to really enforce how evil the illness is, you could actually have this poor girl die or be hospitalized against her will.
Or if you’d like a happier ending, she could CHOOSE to go IP or make a realization that this is not the way to continue her life.
Nothing stereotypical though like a complete recovery, probably. That is too typical in ED stories. Recovery does not happen in an instant.
It is tough for me to say though since I’m not sure where you are going with the story, though or what your purpose is.
Good luck though, hope that at least helped a tad
Comment by Karina Pinzon — November 11, 2009 #
Aw Karina, I feel like you…and everyone else struggling with eating issues should read this post, every morning!! It is so true that life SUCKS when we aren’t fueling ourselves properly. All of the rules and planning just aren’t NECESSARY, and aren’t worth it in the grande scheme of things! We need the energy and concentration to do whatever our heart desires, as you said…which cannot be done when we’re struggling with an ed. I love you…and just saw that you sent me an email!!
Checking it soon my dear
Gotta do some homework first though, haha!
PS Both of those oatmeal concoctions sound HEAVENLY. Gosh, fly to arizona, bring those ingredients and make one of them for me, will ya??
I’m craving a warmed up vitatop now!! Smeared with (peanut) butta 
Comment by Jessica (jesslikesithot) — November 11, 2009 #
Your breakfast is epic!
I’ve never tried the Clif Builder’s bars and I don’t know why. I’m going to pick one up next time I get groceries.
Isn’t being rebellious great? You show ED who’s boss!
He has similar rules for me, and I enjoy breaking them every day.
I hope you don’t have to miss the ballet recital!! Feel better!
Comment by Stacey — November 11, 2009 #
Thank goodness. A fellow scoundrel! We’re scumbags in ED’s eyes, and proud to be so! ED doesn’t deserve to be the boss, it deserves to wear the “dunce” hat and be pushed off into the corner to sulk.
Comment by burpexcuzme — November 11, 2009 #
i’m so happy to hear youre in a good mood!
beautiful pictures, as always
Comment by dorothy — November 11, 2009 #
Mmmm your breakfasts always make me smile!! And love how that sammie resembles a bowl of oats…very creative!
I know what you mean about the silly rules ed puts on you…today I actually questioned myself as to why I have to wait until after 12 to eat lunch…if it was 11:45..why not eat if I’m hungry? Stupid!
So glad your in a good spirits
Maggie
Comment by maggie — November 11, 2009 #
How long does it typically take you to throw your breakfasts together? It looks to me you’re not only making them to eat, but for show. ;D
Comment by Delilah — November 11, 2009 #
It probably takes me about 10-15 minutes tops if it something really special.
I mainly spend some time to make them delicious so that I feel excited about eating the food. It is something I’ve had to do to get ED out of my head a little.
If a food gets me really excited, I have something to tell ED to leave me alone because I enjoy it so much
Comment by Karina Pinzon — November 11, 2009 #
I love your writing, Karina, I really do. And I also love your eats, I’m definitely digging your choice in bar – Kashi Roll Bars = heaven
Comment by Emily — November 11, 2009 #
Rebel that you are <3 Karina, you're kicking major ass! LOVE IT:) And I do hope you didn't catch that cold…your ballet performance sounds really important, so I hope everything's alright?
Your mum looks like a great cook…her pasta!
Take care, sweetie, keep giving ED the one-fingered salute! (LOL)
xoxo
Comment by Rachel — November 11, 2009 #
Kashi roll bars look delish!
Comment by Jenna — January 26, 2010 #