Mon Amie La Rose
December 11, 2009 at 11:50 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 40 CommentsTags: anorexia, breakfast ideas, clif bar, compass test, cookies & cream, flax, fritos, hemp, intuitive eating, jay robb's vanilla whey protein, kashi cookie, kashi golean, kurt cobain, maranatha almond butter, milk it, nature's path, nirvana, oatmeal, oikos, sensible foods, spiru-tein, thumbelina, woodstock dressing
Become the size of Thumbelina and crawl inside the safety of my pillowcase is the only thing I want to do.
The sound of my own moans and groans fill the toasty room, along with the angry sound of Nirvana songs.
Ecto-plasma, Ecto-skeletal…
It literally feels as though a man has wrapped his rough hands around my stomach and crushed it. I don’t understand how I am even able to sit up at the moment.
But despite wanting to disappear off the face of the planet for a while, I am in a good mood. My week has been phenomenal! With each day that passes, that sheltered girl inside of me peeks her head out more and more, like a baby chick about to hatch.
credit to: google
To be honest, intuitive eating is the greatest thing to have entered my life in the past two years. Or should I say re-entered? I feel like I could waltz out into the world, take on whatever challenge is thrown at me, and not even break a sweat.
Two weeks ago, I would have never even dreamt of reaching this point so quickly. It just demonstrates the amount of faith I deserve to have in myself. I am damn capable of overcoming this and I’ve done damn well so far. My life no longer revolves around food. It no longer revolves around calories and numbers. It revolves around me and what I want.
I am the director of my own life, not some brain-dead eating disorder.
Anyways, here are some of the intuitive eats I’ve been munching on lately:
Sunday’s Dinner: 1 packet instant oats cooked in hemp milk, chocolate protein powder, and cinnamon. Topped with almonds, almond butter, cottage cheese, and Sensible Food’s tropical blend crunch dried fruit.
Monday’s Breakfast: 1 packet instant oats cooked in hemp milk, Spiru-tein cookies & cream protein powder, and 1 egg white. Topped with soy nuts, pumpkin kernels, almond butter, cottage cheese, and blueberries.
My mother underwent surgery that day to have a lipoma on her biopsied to assure it was indeed benign, and….. it was! Thank God, my entire family was so concerned that it would be a tumor. Since she was really sick the day of her surgery, I made her a special breakfast when she arrived home:
1 packet instant oats cooked in soy milk, cinnamon/pumpkin pie spice, and vanilla extract. Topped/mixed with whole almonds and a crumbled Kashi TLC oatmeal-raisin flax cookie.
Tuesday’s Breakfast: 1 c. Kashi GOLEAN cereal mixed into Oikos Greek yogurt topped with pumpkin seeds, blueberries, and almond butter.
Lunch: Grilled Cheese & Tomato sandwich on Pita bread served alongside carrots, hummus, and more tomatoes. A glass of chocolate hemp milk on the side.
Pre-ballet Snack: Blueberry Crisp Clif Bar spread with Peanut Butter. Almonds on the side.
On Wednesday, I went to take my COMPASS college placement exams to see if I qualified for any college level courses. I did not make the mark in the math department (unsurprisingly!), but went above average in the reading, writing, and essay sections. Therefore, I get to go to school with the big kids 
. I enrolled in English 1301 and Government.
Wednesday’s Breakfast: 1 packet instant oats cooked in hemp milk, Jay Robb’s vanilla whey protein powder, and cinnamon/nutmeg/ginger. Topped with soy nuts, 1 sliced banana, coconut shreds, carob chips, and almond butter.
Want to discuss spontaneity? I had no idea the COMPASS test was going to take 5 hours, so I did not go to the college prepared with a snack or a part of my lunch. After finishing the math section at around 1:50 P.M., I went outside to take a much needed breather. I told my mother I was starving, but that I would have to wait until I finished the test since I did NOT want to use the vending machine.
My mother pulled a Clif Bar out of her purse and handed it to me. Two weeks ago, I would have freaked out and said, “BUT THIS DOESN’T FIT INTO MY PLAN. I DIDN’T SCHEDULE THIS!”
But I am inching toward normal now so I cooed and cried, “OH THANK GOD, I WAS DYING OF HUNGER!”
Hello!? When you are hungry, you eat! 
Thursday’s Breakfast: 1 container of Oikos topped with pumpkin granola, blueberries, almond butter, and shredded coconut.
Having completed a week of eating intuitively, I payed a visit to my ED team. The appointment with my psychologist rocked and even he could tell I was a different person. I have more energy. I am more animated. I am basically myself again!
My nutritionist’s appointment was also splendid. I went in horrified that I had lost weight and that maybe I had restricted and not realized it but guess what? NO WEIGHT LOSS. In fact, I gained a wee bit! And I am almost positive it was all schmexy ballet muscle, baby 
I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS BALLET LEOTARD
And surprisingly, I am also in love with the fact that my BONES DON’T JUT OUT ANYMORE. I look like a living, breathing human again… not some starved carcass.
My aunt, uncle, and I went for lunch at Blimpie Subs where I ordered the VegiMax with a bag of Fritos. I spent the entire lunch with a smile on my face thanks to the flirtatious sandwich guy. AND I was confident enough to flirt back for a change! He liked my taste in Fritos and Aerosmith jams. Oh baby.
Dinner: Grilled tofu with green beans and sweet potato chunks. A side salad with Woodstock dressing on the side.
Today’s Breakfast: 1 packet instant oats cooked in hemp milk, cocoa powder, and Jay Robb’s Piña Colada protein powder. Topped with Nature’s Path PB Granola, blueberries, almond butter, soy nuts, and cottage cheese.
You know, now that I am done writing this post my stomach feels much better. The evil man who was crushing it seems to have given up and moved on. Phew!
Well, I had a three-hour ballet class tonight and I’m awfully tired, so I am going to call it a night after I watch some TV with my brother.
I am sending EVERYONE my positivity and love.
KISSES.
P.S. Check out Maggie’s awesome giveaway. My goodness, I love that girl!
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SO happy about your success with intuitive eating. I’m proud of you, girl!! It’s so liberating to be free from all of the calorie-counting, numerical nonsense—it just feels so much better to be focusing your attention on something more worthwhile and productive. Your intuitive eats look even more beautiful than the usual.
Lovin’ the creaaamy PB~ I bet that leotard is stunning on you!
Comment by candice— December 12, 2009 #
This post left me with a huge smile on my face.
Karina, you have come so far! You continue to amaze me with your positivity, your progress, your healthy and happy attitude towards life!
It’s things like this that give me the confidence to battle on, because you are proof that it’s worth it. Your happiness – your smiles, your positive energy, they’re reminders and motivators. I am so, so proud of everything you’ve done. You deserve the happiness you have right now. You’ve come so far, and pushed ED to the very edges of exsistance. Inspiration at its highest!
All my love, support, and smiles,
Eleanor. xo
Comment by Eleanor— December 12, 2009 #
This post is awesome! I am so happy to see you are starting to intuitively eat and are enjoying doing so. It is great you decided to eat when you are hungry, even when it doesn’t “fit”
Keep up the amazing work!
Comment by Elizabeth— December 12, 2009 #
What can I say my princess, that my heart is full of happiness and I am so proud of all you have accomplished so far. You are truly unique!!!! I love you.
Comment by Mom— December 12, 2009 #
this post left me feeling so happy. positive. inspired.
you are amazing!
a true beauty inside and out<3
Comment by devangeselle— December 12, 2009 #
The eating just before you were hungry made me smile so much, you are seriously such an amazing girl, you are a little chunk of inspiration to me.
Comment by Jessica— December 12, 2009 #
It sounds like you have become much more relaxed and free with your eating and in turn this has relaxed your attitude in general, so happy its going well for you.
Well done!
xox
Comment by Laura— December 12, 2009 #
My goodness. I love YOU! It sounds like things are really getting into full swing for you, Karina:) That’s awesome and I’m so, so glad for you that the intuitive eating is working out…and working wonders on you!
Love you, sunshine xoxo
Comment by Rachel— December 12, 2009 #
Goodness you are making such strides! Go Girl! Happiness is so present in all your writing at the moment it’s amazing, the freedom that comes with breaking away from ed is clearly a fab feeling. Any ideas how you managed to stop the counting etc? I’m not sure how to go about it, or if I’m trying to gain I should focus on intuitive eating just yet? What do you think oh wise one?! Lots of love xoxox
Comment by lunchiemunchies— December 12, 2009 #
I am so proud of you for acing those COMPASS tests my love!
BUT I am even MORE proud of you for the amazing progress you have made this week! Intuitive eating, especially for weight gain, is such a huge step and takes so much inner strength. You have proved to yourself and to your ED that enough is enough – YOU are taking control now! I hope this beautiful positivity stays with you and you continue being amazing in every single way
Lots of love, precious girl <3
Hannah XO.
Comment by determinedtoshine— December 12, 2009 #
You look so incredibly beautiful Karina… positively GLOWING with health and vitality.
I love this post! Congratulations on eating intuitively.. You are so strong and courageous, not to mention a wizard in the kitchen – those eats look fantastic!
Keep shining beautiful girl
<3
Tat
Comment by tatiannalives— December 12, 2009 #
woooo! this post put a HUGE smile on my face. i love the transition to eating intuitively; it feels so freeing and empowering
i’m glad to see you’re doing well!
-sending my love!
Comment by Cassie— December 12, 2009 #
It’s fantastic to hear that you’re doing so well controlling ed, and you sound sooo happy and positive
You’re inspiring me to really work on my intuitive eating, and those eats look especially delicious!
~ Alex
xo
Comment by Alex— December 12, 2009 #
I can’t get enough of your posts! They always put me in SUCH a great mood and make me re-evaluate the thoughts I’ve been having.
That leotard is GORGEOUS by the way.
I’m just beaming here. I’m so happy for you!!
<3
Comment by Laura— December 12, 2009 #
So glad to hear you are doing well!!! Intuitive eating is a hard thing to grasp, but man, it feels SO good once you do! All of your breakfast creations look amazzzzing, especially the Oikos with granola, blueberries, and almond butter. Have a good weekend!
Comment by Tina— December 12, 2009 #
you are amazing! i think that intuitive eating is the absolute HARDEST thing to regain after and ED. it took me almost a year to do it, and now i am so happy. i just got accepted into college, and my social life is coming back. just thinking back to a few months ago, those things were out of reach, and i was too unhealthy to go to college. now that i eat when i’m hungry (and sometimes when i’m just bored!), my body is healthy and full of life. i am even TOLD to exercise now…doctor’s orders! just remember all of the good things that are to come, and ED will go crawl in a hole somewhere because it has nothing on life
♥ lindsey
Comment by lindsey— December 12, 2009 #
I am so proud of you cookie!I am glad you finally have this liberty and feel great.It is truly, truly amazing that you have made soo much progress.Keep on going strong!Take loads of care and I am thrilled you feel like your old self.
xoxo
Namaste
Comment by Robot— December 12, 2009 #
Karina, I am so happy for you! You really are an inspiration. I’m so glad the intuitive eating is coming along well for you, and allowing you to be your true self!
Comment by Stacey— December 12, 2009 #
Oh goodness gracious Kat! I’m so happy everything is going wonderful for you lately. You truely look beautiful in that new leo because your insides are shinning on the outside too! So glad your eats have been getting some of that happiness too..so colorful!
xoxo
Maggie
Comment by maggie— December 12, 2009 #
glad your mom’s surgery went well!
youhave lots of great yogurt messes and oatmeals that look delish!
OMG you did not put peanut butter on your clif bar! omg, does that look yummay!
jenna
Comment by Jenna— December 12, 2009 #
yayayayayayayayayayayayay! I am so proud of you. This is a huge step and I am so happy that you conquered it!
I love you
xxxxx
Comment by Katie— December 12, 2009 #
hello my lovie
because you are!! ahh love you to bits sending you all my love babe.
read this post super early this morning and now its like 9 and i am commenting! this made me so so so happy to read omg lovie, you are amazing, and so inspiring this is a great step and i am so proud of you for taking this step and doing so well beautiful girl! <3 so inspiring, do you know how amazing and inspiring you are?
xx
Eliza
Comment by eliza— December 12, 2009 #
Make me food!! Your dishes always look so fun hahahaha
And I’m happy for you! I’m glad you’re letting your stomach tell you when to eat and not ED! Probably half of my favorite memories involve food because eating is so communal, and I’m glad to see that you’re understanding that food is social, happy, and healthy!
Comment by Grace— December 12, 2009 #
Oh, thank God your mom is okay. Thank freaking god!
And also, THANK GOD you are learning intuitive eating! That is the key thing…recovery should reach the point where you are able to eat anything, and at any time, without fixed scheduling and counting ridiculously. It’s about listening and honoring your body…I’m glad for you!
Comment by burpexcuzme— December 12, 2009 #
1. Thank you for sharing that PB story! I laughed out loud and my brother looked at me quite strangely.
So high five for that!
2. Intuitive Eating = Livin’ La Vida Loca! (Loca being CRAZY good!)
3. Each meal featured makes me want to rewind and re-eat one of your creations for breakfast.
4. YAY SPONTANEITY!
5. My mom is so proud of me that my bones are protruding out. People don’t look at my clavicles instead of my eyes when they talk to me! (For the normal person, that’d be boobs… but I think you get what I mean)
6. Blimpie Boy sounds lovely!
Comment by merittothecarrot— December 13, 2009 #
Wow, great looking eats and clothes!
Love your blog!
New music, food, fitness + giveaways – http://katiechangesforkatie.blogspot.com/2009/12/mia-photo-update-new-contest-happy.html
Have a good day!
Katie
Comment by Katie— December 13, 2009 #
isn’t intuitive eating the best? by no means am I doing it all the time now, but when on the occasion I do listen to my body…its wonderful!
I’m so proud of your positivity and progress – you go girl
Comment by Emily— December 13, 2009 #
SO HAPPY to read all of this and so proud of you!
Stay this strong girl! You’re wonderful!
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
Comment by julia— December 13, 2009 #
Aw love, so happy to hear that you are doing so well!!
Keep it up, you are setting such a great example for all your readers (and self)–that recovery is possible
Remember though, i’m sure you still have a ways to go….so don’t ease up in the slightest, just keep doin’ whatcha doinnnn!!!!
You look absolutely adorable in that last pic, and all of those almond butter-topped oatmeal combos sounds delish! Can’t wait to re-create some of my own in just a week! The baked tofu and yogurt bowl sound great too. Always loooooove your eats!
PS I never got that email, so if you sent something…maybe re-send?? LOVE YOU! Have a great rest of your weekend!
Comment by Jessica (jesslikesithot)— December 13, 2009 #
This post is so exciting! I can even feel it through your words. Doesn’t it feel great? To not think twice about eating something that doesn’t “fit” in the “plan”. You deserve to live life the way YOU want to and I’m so glad that you’re doing it. I think when you go through something that sucks you away and regain yourself, you have more zest for life than the average Joe. And holla at the cute sandwich guy! Flirting is so much fun! And you know Colombian ladies have mastered the art of flirting
Speaking of Colombian ladies, I’m so glad that your mom’s surgery went smoothly. That’s so sweet of you to make her a breakfast 
http://www.ohonemorething.wordpress.com
Comment by Katharina— December 14, 2009 #
It’s wonderful to see you so happy!!
<3 <3
Comment by blueeyedheart— December 14, 2009 #
Karina,
I have not been diagnosed with an ED, but 2 years ago I lost a little over 20 lbs and am about 98 lbs still. I am 5’5 and want to gain weight so bad. I don’t throw up my food, but tried in the begining when I started to lose weight. Now, I am trying to gain weight and eat a lot of peanut butter, but I feel like I need to exercise all the time when I’m full after eating, I HATE that feeling.
How did you overcome your ED? I think if I ate the same breakfasts as you it would keep me full for so long, and I like eating a lot. For breakfast I always eat toast, PB, jelly, banana, and flax which is good with the healthy fat. And I tried strength training to gain muscle but now my arms just look manly. I dont know what to do!
Comment by Jessica— December 14, 2009 #
aw i was smiling through this whole post!! you look gorgeouss and so full of life girl! and heck yeaa for flirting with random cute guys!! (lots of exclamation points, but theyre needed)
and on a random side note, im jeaous of your leotard! when i did ballet (read: when i was seven), we wore these gross nude colored, too small leotards. even the kid-version of me knew that was NOT acceptable haha
Comment by dorothy— December 14, 2009 #
This post is sooo happy! And I love it! Way to kick ED in the BUTT.
Beautiful and delicious eats! You take gorgeous photos–of both you and your food
<3 jess
xoxo
Comment by psychoj1— December 14, 2009 #
‘I am damn capable of overcoming this and I’ve done damn well so far. My life … revolves around me and what I want.’ – I love this!! You ARE damn capable and you HAVE done damn well so far! It is heartening to see your strength and determination and guess what? You ARE glowing and you ARE gorgeous and you WILL be continue to be even more stunning! And I honestly mean this with all my heart!
xx
Comment by nattietan— December 14, 2009 #
Can I just say this post has inspired me? You are rockin’ it SO hard. Keep up all the awesomeness!
Comment by Mimi Honeycutt— December 15, 2009 #
Hoppin by to say hello! Have a wonderful day ! Greetings from Germany
Comment by Timo Herrmann— December 16, 2009 #
way to go!!! IE is the best thing ever. isn’t it a miracle when you discover that you eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full? who would’ve thought
you are doing great and all those oats look a-m-a-z-i-n-g-!
Comment by randomlymikey— December 20, 2009 #
You are doing so well I am so happy for you
I am still hoping i can catch onto intutative eating soon. Over christmas break I am hoping I can listen to my body more instead of just eating at the “right time”
A big congrats on placing in your COMPASS tests! WOO!
All of your eats look mondo fab too. Many bowls of deliciousness to drool over I cant pick just one.
xoxo
Comment by Michal— December 20, 2009 #
I tagged you, Karina! :* <3
http://tastyhealthfood.blogspot.com/2009/12/beautiful-blogger-award.html
Comment by Tasty Health Food— January 4, 2010 #